I recently fell into a slump.
For smoke-covered weeks, lost in a blanket of confusion.
A sort of numbness shielded me away from my usual wholesome vibration.
I was lucky to spend time in nature, anyways, despite the smoke, and within the loving support of my best girlfriends on a road trip across BC and through a little of Alberta. Of all things, i caught a sinus infection – no doubt in relation to a disconnection with my Third Eye chakra, the center of intuitive knowing in the body, located just above and between our outer eyes. A week of deep breaths and rest followed. Listening to my body, breathing, drinking hot apple cider vinegar, and finally getting some shit done i had been putting off for weeks, things i had shoved aside in order to not add stress to others. Avoiding confrontation and communication, and therefor silencing myself, connection to my Highest Self who is only ever trying to create the best for me, and also completely disregarding my own health. My health has always been my first priority. How could i have let that be brushed under the rug for weeks? When all of this hit the fan, the Full Moon shining it’s crazed energy through my windows, the moonlight bathing me in bed. Sometimes all we can do is ride out the wave of our emotions before we can ever consider moving forward or changing or even breathing. When we have disconnected for too long, whether that be for you a week or a year, I don’t blame you for wanting a night to just let it all out. I put on my favourite City and Colour album, Bring Me Your Love and let everything drain. I allowed it all to leave me – to in some ways just feel bad for myself for a moment and even wallow in it, knowing it was where i was at. It was the only place i could meet myself. It’s important for me to say here and now, I have been lost in this darkness for much more than an evening, and i was terrified in this moment that it may last longer than one Full Moon’s evening… And if you are in that chapter in your journey, nights upon nights of darkness, I understand your sadness. I am breathing with you. I understand that although the circumstance feels awful in the present, you are learning your own sadness in order to help yourself, and others through it in the future. I truly believe this. But when the time is right… In these moments of breaking open, when you shatter and want to yell, ‘all of this? why?’, this discomfort is you outgrowing yourself. This is your soul feeling it’s walls closing in, you have outgrown the borders and restrictions your past self or your family or your ex lover or ex friends placed you in. The box can no longer hold you. Your soul is too bright and begins to break through – if you let it. So when we find ourselves in this place of “i just can’t love myself. I just can’t choose myself, how do i heal, how do i be myself, how do i quit this, do that…” – you feel lost and disconnected because you can no longer go on as you have been. You must go on as you never have before, or stay the same. Let me be the person to say to you now, do not numb your spirit, do not clothe your light with these extra lies of laziness. You ARE the light you long for. It’s not something you will ever attain, because you already are it. When are we going to choose to stop waiting, wishing, wanting… just be it. You can’t tell me it’s impossible, anyone and everyone can lay down, close their eyes and take 3 FULL deep belly breaths, just LISTENING ❤
I see it this way, in the long run, every day we have the choice to wake up and love our life for all it’s beautiful mess and beauty, or choose to wish it was everything it never has been. Once we begin to live like every day is the blessing it truly is, we start to feel that. We start to say yes to the things we want to say yes to, say no to the things that don’t align with us…
Connecting more with ourselves and less with social media has been my key. Listen to your heart, dear friend, and observe how others make you feel. Express your love and gratitude daily to loved ones. Breathe deeply, and fill yourself back up to the brim with your own Divine truth and light ❤
Loving you, dearly.