I tend to flip back a handful of pages in my notebook every now and then, in search of hidden gems or small reminders. Quite often what i find surprises me. As if i was reading someone else’s thoughts and handwriting. I really let things out as i write, i write to feel it and i write to let it go. Just over a month and a half ago i wrote an entry (about a week before i moved myself permanently across the province), that i thought may be worth sharing, it goes like this,
I find myself in search of the moments and adventures that shatter my soul wide open – my beliefs and expectations to pieces.
But now that i am at the very tip of this precipice… i find myself squeezed, in fear, anticipation, and confusion of the unknown that lies ahead.
If i choose to believe and trust that it will all be okay,
Then it will be.
But who will i become?
Who will it make me to be?
Someone i have never imagined i would ever be or could ever be.
I will never be the exact same as i am now.
Things will never be the exact same as they are right now.
It’s a chance to breathe again, a chance for a fresh start.
These spaces, between the happiness and the hardness.
I’m scared to meet this new version of myself.
A version of myself that wants to keep her heart racing;
the unknown approaching and time flying.
It’s time i stop fearing destruction.
Deconstructing means we get to reconstruct – completely fresh and new.
When we feel we have nothing, we are also in a place where anything and everything is possible – the world is at our fingertips.
We do not have to be who we were yesterday.
When we choose the path of love and self trust, we are bound to feel. And feeling everything is honestly a blessing and not a curse like you may first feel it is or have been told it is.
Your new life and goals are going to cost you your old ones.
Do it before you feel ready.
Are we truly happy or are we just comfortable?
We cannot understand
until we test it.
Think lightly of yourself, my friends,
and deeply of the world.
Love + Light
One thought on “the Happiness + the Hardness”
Sounds like your journey through life is exciting and fulfilling , had no idea you had left us forever lol
Distance cannot diminish your positive energy and legacy of peace and kindness .
I am happy for you and hope you find peace and serenity .