I’m sitting here with three or so draft blog posts on my site… all with half finished thought processes put into words… I haven’t been able to free write as easily lately, but i also think i’ve become a little lazy with it.
I find myself almost wanting discomfort, because it brings such huge amounts of breakthrough moments for me! Not to mention how much my writing just takes off in those moments… I really enjoy that feeling..
I have become a little disconnected from my thoughts and my body recently and i am not sure where it started… Although i have been stressing myself out with a few things on my To Do list. I can’t seem to focus on just one thing/event/creation at a time. My energy just kind of half-ass flies toward each of the things i am working on… I know what i would rather focus on.. but sometimes we need to get work done, even if it’s not something you’re looking forward too quite as much. Am i too excited about whats going on now and not thinking about the future? Or is my heart trying to tell me to head towards one thing and not the other…. Obviously I’m a little out of it and scattered…
Last month i had felt super connected, from doing a Full Moon Ritual, Personal Practices with Ashley Albrand online (who just lights my soul on fire), Oracle and Tarot card readings with myself and friends, etc… So how is it we make time to always be doing these things that create a feeling of inner connectedness to the universe and our paths, but also find time to work, travel, explore, see friends, get appointments done, groceries done, all of these things!
I have yet to find the key… Really i have no clue.
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My intention this week (a word/set of words that leave us determined to act in a certain way//something you want to bring into your day/life), is “I Am Whole, As I Am”. Usually my intentions come from events/people/places and happenings around me, this one came to me as if someone had whispered it in my ear – but no one had. It was kind of creepy. I was meditating and it was suddenly showing itself in my mind! Apparently this is how Spirits reach us, suddenly something is just – oh! pop! it’s there and you enjoy the thought or idea and agree with it. Just floating across your mind space!
What are the first thoughts that pop into your mind reading and repeating to yourself,
“I am whole as i am”
Take 3 Deep Breaths.
I believe that we are each already whole, that everything we need or are asking for is already there for us – within us. We have it all within us already. I’ve watched people make money without a high paying, university credited job. I’ve watched people fall deeply in love with themselves, in the most positive powerful ways. I’ve seen people up and leave their daily work lives for something better: their dreams.
We have all of this available to us.
Personally I struggle with feeling whole as a person. I have a lot of scars, issues, dark places, whatever you would call them, around this. I used to depend on friends for love, connection, and especially validation. This is something i am still working through, and i think this is why the intention appeared. I think as humans we search for things to validate us. Maybe this isn’t true for everyone or every situation! But think of money, greed or power?! Maybe even leadership, or jobs that do not serve our personal happiness, just THINGS in general that we may be doing for validation from others. We don’t need these “things” – what we need is trust and belief in ourselves and in our hearts actual deep desire. Once we finally believe that magic is already here WITHIN, that is when we find it and create inner love and happiness. Everything is here within – so really everything else that comes after is a cherry on top. Maybe let me explain that further. Sometimes, if this makes any sense at all, I think we tend to do this backwards. We work/fight for validation, rather than working for ourselves, our own happiness, what have you.
But what would happen if we first connected inward, or stopped ourselves in our tracks and turned inward to find our self compassion, love, energy, desires, dreams, our HEARTS. How much of our lives would we then change, or not need?
Own the fact that you are who you are and you are whole. You need no one to validate your dreams or goals. We live in a society where it is normal to be in a relationship, and somehow strange to be single. This is so fucked up to me! When we hear someone is single, we immediately say “why are they single… whats wrong with them?”
Why is this. And why was it after my relationship ended that someone asked if i was “ready to move on”? (literally within maybe 2 weeks of the breakup)
Why does that matter or why should that be the goal? I had not even thought about moving on to another person. I want to be with myself right now. It was such a strange thing to ask, and unfortunately made me uncomfortable when i had so much trusted in myself before i took in that thought and outlook.
There would be no healing or self love experience or self growth if i moved straight onto trying to love or enjoy another person deeply right now. It just feeels like it’s time to be with myself and find what i want. I suppose everyone has their different ways to heal. We seem to have larger opinions on how others should run their lives, and rarely any idea how we should run our own.
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Much love, I hope you all have a lovely day/evening ❤